Shhh, this is a whisper post
Olive is an eater. Not that we’re surprised, both her parents can put down some serious food without batting an eye.
On my first week back to work I was pumping 15-16 ounces of pure, liquid gold during every work day. I remember picking her up from “school” the very first day and learned she drank exactly how much I had pumped that day. I felt kind of awesome.
Then the real stress of being back at work kicked in and my supply started to poop out. I am currently getting anywhere from 9-12 ounces during a work day. I’ll pump 3-4 times a day. And boy is it FUN.
And because Olive has an appetite the size of forever I’ll come home, feed her off my boob, immediately pump off the excess, feed her off my boob before bed, stay up an extra few hours and pump more. Then sometimes I will even set the alarm for the middle of the night for a time she wouldn’t be up feeding so I can pump more. And if I still don’t have the longed for 15 ounces for that day I’ll pump one more time before work, after feeding her from the boob of course.
It’s a lot of freakin’ work.
Alex finally convinced me that giving her ONE (JUST ONE) bottle of formula before she goes to bed isn’t the end of the world. It’s just another source of food to sustain our growing chunk-a-lump.
Writing this post makes it more real, and in turn, makes me feel more guilty. But liberated. But guilty. OH THE GUILT. dammit.
I wanted to be the mom that fed her baby seamlessly for an entire year (at least) with just breast milk. But it didn’t happen…and that’s ok.
Shhhh. Sometimes I feed my baby formula at night. Shhhh.