I have this thing…
…this thing where I’m not able to enjoy things to their absolute fullest. Before sitting down to write this I thought, this may be a hard one to explain to the interwebs, or maybe not at all, I’ll give it a shot…
I’ve known about this for quite awhile. I think it started when I was little and my birthday would end and I would get sad, sad that the day that was all about me, that only comes around only once a year, was…over. The next year, being aware of the inevitable sadness that would come with sundown, I would spend a good part of the day dreading the end. The day before, oh so exciting, the day of YAY YAY YAY ME ME ME, the day after NO NO noooo.
I know, I’m horribly self centered, well at least it appears that way.
(note: I just got through watching a flick with Emma Thompson, so if I come off like I’m English it’s because I’m thinking in a British accent. Yup, welcome to my little Eryn world :-)
Ok so yes birthdays, I enjoy mine, I really do…but I fear I’m not enjoying them as much as I could because I’m just waiting for the end. So I can take a deep breath, realize, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” and go on with my 26 year old self until another year comes along and tacks on another numeral.
Fresh flowers. The whole reason I’m writing this post is because I was thinking about getting some fresh blooms in honor of Spring opening herself up to us these past few weeks.
“What a lovely addition some fresh sprigs of lilac and perhaps a few tulips would bring to our dining room table.” Oh but wait. Flowers…they die. They do. And I know this about flowers, ever since I was little and witnessed them losing their color and spryness and turning into dry crumbles. So every instance I have them in my adult life I feel like I need to soak them all up until they’re no longer beautiful and alive. Every time I walk past them, sit near them, or even think about them I feel as if I need to be smelling them. YES HELP ME. It’s like the birthday thing, I know soon it’s going to be over, so how oh how can I soak them in before their inevitable demise?
Maybe this is why I adore potted plants so very much.
Other things I do this with…sunsets, beautiful vacation destinations (while on our honeymoon on the Amalfi Coast I would spend exaggerated amounts of time taking in the view on the balcony…not a bad thing I guess) but nonetheless, an annoying thing.
You do this too?
Just me huh.